A Perfect Illusion: Writing Through the Soil

By Eboni Jazzmine Taylor

All graphics & photography curated by Eboni Jazzmine Taylor

Chapter 1:

The Soil

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a fighter, observer and mellow young black girl that has seen more scenarios in her life than the regular degular law abiding citizen. I honestly have lived my life in eras as a creative, sister, daughter, entrepreneur, music photographer, traveler, memory, producer, federal worker girlie, tech founder pitching to VCs, marketing guru, publicist, humanitarian, fairy princess and everyday no matter how much I try to run from it…a writer. Writing has always been a passion of mine since I was seven years old. I even wrote music in treble and bass clef and transposed my favorite rap songs (like Touch the Sky by Kanye West or all of the hits from Nicki Minaj and The Weeknd) for marching band. Then on the same stretch in high school I would write music for symphony, jazz AND orchestra band. As a teenager while simultaneously getting bullied for being a music nerd who knew way too much sample history or hip hop trivia or find little chops for songs cause she’s obsessed with Clipse and The Neptunes, then played the alto saxophone, mellophone (it’s just an outdoor version of a french horn for marching band), french horn, soprano saxophone, tenor saxophone ALL WHILE fiending for my last sips of breath playing on a oak wood embrasure that use to stab me in my gums as my bass saxophone with such a small frame at 4’9 knowing damn well it was bigger than me! I basically would write down anything to make a story out of it in different mediums. Like writing to me is like seeing colors and maladaptive daydreaming with daisies and nightmares. It is my superpower, but it is also my shadow with a candle during a thunderstorm surrounded by rustling trees wrestling with itself to stay a gahdamn rickety a$$ flame.

ADLIB: Y’ALL BETTER HAVE APPRECIATED MY RUN ON SENTENCES IN THIS AI WORLD WE LIVE IN.

Anyways, both my parents are artists, my mother is a cake sculptor and iron chef while my dad, a veteran, executive producer in television, and public server in government; I have been surrounded by artistic value and vibrant energy my whole life all while growing up in the forest as a little southern belle flower girl in Georgia. My journey in writing shifted more seriously when I turned sixteen years old in high school. At the time I was a photographer for some of the hottest rappers who were just so happen to be teenagers too. The labels would hire teenagers only on creative teams and allow us to work under the artists, so they wouldn’t be lonely surrounded by a bunch of adults. My role was to take photos, edit, create hella curated digital deliveries, travel around the world with my own eyes and just write about my experiences then sell it to publications to the highest bidder…while still having some decorum to not be a paparazzi.

From left to right: Travis Scott performing Rolling Loud Bayfront Park 2017, Larry League jumping in mosh pit 2016, and Lil Yatchy performing to crowd in Atlanta 2016. Photo courtesy by Eboni Jazzmine Taylor.

READ: My Lil Yatchy article on his first concert performed in Atlanta here.

The Seed

Between music journalism, social content creation, pitch decks, commercial video treatments, proposals, diary entries, press materials, celebrity apologies, Twitter posts, Tumblr blogging, poetry and educational materials your girl has done it all personally and professionally til’ my fingers curled into pure disgust of the ongoing hardwork with no credit, good pay or a thank you. All these instances have built me up to be a confident, protective and open creator of my work. I see myself as an It Girl in writing. Everything I put from the ink to the pad has flown like a dance ensemble running to catch the L train to Manhattan in full costume to get to rehearsals on time, because they booked an Airbnb all the way in the f+cking hoodwinked Bronx just to save money so they could survive the next day! Then I lay all the pain and emotion out on the stage with the singers of a full quartet angrily waiting for those dancers and tell my story that represents my colorful voice. Over the years I have developed seeing visualizations through daydreaming for my writing like little mood boards and cartoons as agencies hire me to just be myself. I like to take those visions out of my head, so I can translate them correctly.

Cover page of mood board cinematography lighting pitch for recording artist: Circa 2020, production treatment graphic courtesy of Eboni Jazzmine, made up of still shots from coworkers’ work sitting around on my hard drive.

The Breakthrough

I take full joy in researching and watching TV, or dancing and listening to the sound of my artist clientele to find inspiration in the beat of my heart. (Except those times I turn a blind eye and work in the early days of The Shaderoom, then I beat myself up for working backwards for money). The biggest habit that’s held me back has been my procrastination and imposter syndrome being seen as a woman surrounded by heavy intimidating characters, I’ve faced in the entertainment industry. I used to have this fear of being wrongly turnt out and allowed shitty characters to break my soul with verbally abusive actions. I blame the start of that fear from traumatic experiences from my teachers and classmates in school. It would hinder me from creating happily, because I was scared of being punished and laughed at for having very odd storytelling ideas. I recall once in middle school I wrote and directed a play about bullying, school violence and why mass shootings became more prevalent in the mid 2000s. That play won multiple awards and I got to a state wide competition and was disqualified. I remember my 8th grade English teacher telling me she would support my work, but sometimes artist get condemned, and that was the day I learned how important my voice carried and how it can also be seen as a threat when presenting information. They saw my writing as wild and too dramatic for my age level. I was looked down upon by faculty and staff for the play. At the time I was very sad about the outcome of the play. It hurt my self-esteem and caused mental strain as my social meter in school went down. I was even named in my yearbook in an uncanny weirdo category I can’t even remember right now. Yet, as we get older you stop to realize that our creations are art, and art is very subjective. Everybody really just making s#&% up trying to gatekeep you from being great, so do what you want.

The perception of writing is to curate a roadmap with information that catches the reader no matter how dastardly or asinine the story is. My writing style is exciting and paints a picture for the reader however I see fit in my mind. I put either a smile on your face or mess up your vibes with something damp and sad with a provocative flare. Writing in the voice of a conservative stale robotic edge has never been who I am. I write for the rebels, the misfits, and the honest truth to be told, so reality and propaganda could never be met in one place. I tell it how it is in plain sight out of courtesy of the reader. I have a cowgirl spirit, and my parents have taught me to always speak out and spare no feelings, because words of integrity to a situation brings us closer to reality and shows character.

READ: “Speech to the Young” by Gwendolyn Brooks for poetic context of why young people should never give up or be discouraged by society here.

I feel very compelled to analyze myself and figure out where I stand before I write. As an adult I have a better cautious filter now. I write by what is real, what is not, and how my spirit feels. I am very proud of myself, but as I get older the fundamentals of money and work definitely suppressed my love of writing these last five years. I have barely written for myself for fun as I am conflicted. I have to convince myself to see my work as a stand-alone art with legs. Sometimes I think to myself what would Gangsta Boo or Princess & Diamond would do when your pioneering in a time like this?! I have to get back to writing to my own drum or I will lose the connection, my essence, and my unique voice as a black woman facing the weight of the world around me. It’s really hard out here for a pimp…I mean princess…I’m sure Paula Campbell would be proud of me.

Chapter 2:

The Stem

I want to compose more documentary-based commentary and continue film photography. Telling stories in a way of interviews and fast-moving short form content writing with a childlike nostalgia is cool to me. That type of experimental mixed media style of writing doubles as therapeutic exercise, because I get to connect with my inner child. More specifically myself from 2009. As I shared earlier in this reflection, I saw myself as a very provoking character in my own story. Yet, still very delicate and questioning my identity because of the personalities I shifted within myself. Instead of reminiscing those feelings in a bad way I would like to go back to practices of immersion to convey my points and style better. Just like how method actors such as Gail Bean, Lady Gaga, Damson Idris and Christine Bale (who hates being called a method actor, even though he obviously is) alter and put themselves fully in the shoes of the character to the audience right before they lose themselves as real people. It is a crazy act to the average Jacqueline, but the outcome of perspective and the art of performance is daunting and fulfilling. As well as I will start writing out entries on paper to spread out my thoughts in physical form.

From left to right: Damson Idris in FX’s Snowfall, Christian Bale in American Psycho, Gail Bean in FX’s Snowfall, Lady Gaga in House of Gucci. Photo courtesy of FX Productions, Lionsgate Films, FX Productions and MGM. Graphic curation by Eboni Jazzmine Taylor.

The Budding

The habits of mind that I want to focus on would be flexibility and responsibility. When I was working as a humanitarian agent at the Mexican border in summer 2023, other DHS agents would constantly click their tongues about flexibility to the mission daily. They would sound like broken record players. I used to hate hearing the phrase reiterated so much, because of course the team is flexible? We wouldn’t be here fully trained and ready to perform; if flexibility wasn’t in our blood filled with tenacity, strength, energy and empathy to the crisis at hand. Yet, the longer I stayed in the desert (I was out in the field for 3 months) and traveled between several stations in San Diego, CA, Uvalde, TX and Del Rio TX seeing the same outcomes and doing the same duties differently; I started to understand why flexibility was extremely important. Without it the job would never get done in other innovative ways when we faced hardship. Folks and children would perish if we didn’t walk into the belly of the beast (metaphorically speaking) with them (or as we called the train that’s a network of cargo trains that travels into America from Mexico, “La Bestia”). Me and the other agents daily watched over the migrants as we were their only saving grace until they were cleared to go to their next destination with an NGO or family. Flexibility was the only way to survive one of the most dangerous games a person could encounter on either side. Flexibility and responsibility equal strength and wit.

Left to right: Photo from an engineer of what the road looks like for the average migrant who normally traveled 750 miles before they crossed into America (First picture is me and my coworker walking on the beach). In a 35mm film of art piece by a CBP agent, a wooden painting of Our Lady Guadeloupe watching over a fallen agent. Photo and graphic curation courtesy of Eboni Jazzmine Taylor.

The Flower

As a composer I would like to be seen as a leader and voice of unbiased reasoning for my own peace of mind. For others I would want them to see my pen game as a yin yang or a coin of heads and tails. I want them to feel my words, but understand my vision of both sides as we navigate a cold world and an enlightened world. People should see the good and the bad, as these entities and stories we interact with are all different rounds of ideology.

My goals for this class are to live and be honest through my writing, get back to the basics, and understand other points of views. In conclusion, I want to continue to be a reflection and mirror to my readers to be challenged as their own shadow on the ground or a sun in the sky. As a writer I want others to also see life as a game they need to play in order to live and grasp concepts fully through side quests. You cannot just live on the sidelines. You have to stand up and stand tall as the main character in your story, and just keep living!

HBIC OF MY OWN LIFE OUT!

Thank you for your continued support :)

References:

Eboni Taylor, (2016) LIL YACHTY – LIL BOAT, pg. 3 URL

Brooks, Gwendolyn. “Speech to the Young: Speech to the Progress-Toward (Among them Nora and Henry III)”. Family Pictures, 1970, URL

(2017, July 5) “Pilot” S1E1 John Singleton, Snowfall

(2023, April 19) “The Struggle” S6E10, Alonso Alvarez, Snowfall

Mary Harron (Director) (2000) American Psycho, Lionsgate Films

(2021, March 17) “The Get Back” S4E5, Logan Kibens, Snowfall

Ridley Scott (Director) (2021) House of Gucci, MGM